India’s Unique ID Use Case

Nandan Nilekani’s…..Fully integrated ID card system for Indian citizens!!

Operator : “Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your…”

Customer: “Heloo, Heloo, can I order..”

Operator : “Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?”

Customer: “It’s he…,hold……….on……889861356102049998-45-54610”

Operator : “OK… You’re… Mr Singh and you’re calling from 17 Jal Vayu. Your home number is 22678893, your office 25076666 and your mobile is 09869798888. Today morning you landed in India at IG International Airport. Welcome back, Sir. Which number are you calling from now Sir?”

Customer: “Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : “We are connected to the system , Sir”

Customer: “May I order your Seafood Pizza…”

Operator : “That’s not a good idea ,Sir”

Customer: “How come?”

Operator : “According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir”

Customer: “What?… What do you recommend then?”

Operator : “Try our Low Fat Pizza. You’ll like it”

Customer: “How do you know for sure?”

Operator : “You borrowed a book entitled “Popular Dishes” from the National Library last week Sir”

Customer: “OK I give up… Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?”

Operator : “That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00”

Customer: “Can I pay by! Credit card?”

Operator : “I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year. That’s not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir..”

Customer: “I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives”

Operator : “You can’t Sir. Based on the records, you’ve reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today”

Customer: “Never mind just send the pizzas, I’ll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?”

Operator : “About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can’t wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car…”

Customer: ” What!”

Operator : “According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,…registration number GZ-05-AB-1107..”

Customer: ” ????”

Operator : “Is there anything else , Sir?”

Customer: “Nothing… By the way… Aren’t you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?”

Operator : “We normally would Sir, but based on your records you’re also diabetic……. ”

Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^

Operator : “Better watch your language Sir..Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman…?”

Customer: [Faints]

Here is an excellent use case for a badly implemented identity system. Thanks to my friend Lakshmi K (last name purposely not given) who forwarded this joke to me.  I couldn’t resist posting it to this boring security blog. I guess some humor adds some spice!

The Unique Identification Authority of India, or the UIDAI, is an agency of the Government of India responsible for implementing the envisioned Multipurpose National Identity Card or Unique Identification card (UID Card) project in India. It was established in February 2009, and will own and operate the Unique Identification Number database. The authority will aim at providing a unique number to all Indians, but not smart cards. The authority would provide a database of residents containing very simple data in biometrics. [Wikipedia]